STAND UP 3. Go to college? Brigham Young. F*** dude. I'm the watchdog at our house. I'm the reluctant watchdog. I don't sleep very well. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. I think if it didn't keep my wife awake, I wouldn't know I had it. This is what I get at 3 o'clock in the morning when I have a 6 o'clock flight. Ron, wake up. Ron, w
STAND UP 1. I consider myself a gold star heterosexual. Now, the reason I know this term is I have lesbian friends too, and I know that a gold star lesbian is a woman who's never had any d***, not once, ever in her life, and I've never had any d***, not once, ever in my life. And I know some guys have had one homosexual experience or two or ten tho
I worked in France about 5 years ago. I did a movie there. Pinette is actually a French name. My ancestry is French and Irish. My stomach is Italian. Having a French name in France, they don't care. Lumière was not there when I got off the plane. Be our guest, be our guest. No. I still enjoyed France, and I would go again. The food was amazing! The
Part 1. You women ask questions 'cause you're fucking bored! The other night, my wife looks at me. "Hey, if I was in a tragic car accident and lost both of my arms, would you still love me?" What? "Would you, an?" Yeah, I would. I would love you. I would even hug you. Hold you tighter so you don't slip through. I would. I'd even make the house acce
Ain't no reason to hate each other, just different. Black people and white people, we smoke weed different. White folks take a hit, pass it on. A brother hold on to that sh*t till Tuesday. We got a different approach to designated driver rule. White folks will pick a designated driver. He don't drink. He's gonna make sure everybody gets home okay.
I gotta show you a quick impression of what I used to do for a living before I became a stand-up comedian. Y'all got some fucked up seats, man. Gonna make this shit really difficult. All right, man, why won't you do here? Bowling ball. Bowling ball, knife, apple. What I want you to do is toss me the apple. No. You throw it at my dick and shit, man.
Memes Today – is an entertainment platform built primarily on Android and iOS mobile apps. In order to use the full functionality of Memes Today, we ask you to download the mobile application available from the links below. By downloading the App, you can like, comment, save posts to favorites, share the content.
